Why: Conflicts At the Table Make It Harder for Reluctant Eaters to Eat.

 The Tale: The Disagreeing Grandparents 421

Disagreeing about feeding and nutrition for children is just fine. Disagreements can be useful. Maybe the conversation will lead to a solution or a search for help. Disagreements become problems when the grown-ups disagree vehemently at the table. When differing parenting styles turn into routine grousing, sniping or worse, a child may be scared into eating even less.  Maybe one parent has the answer but at that point, no one is really listening to the other.

Here is the tale of two loving but argumentative grandparents committed to raising their toddler grandson. They loved their grandson but they had not anticipated feeding struggles and underweight along with the diapers and doctor visits.

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First they described their struggles to get him to eat. As I learned more, I knew they had to let him eat alone but I needed to know more about their parenting style. As I wondered what to ask and how to ask it, I realized that Thanksgiving just passed a few days before our session. “How did the Thanksgiving meal go?” I asked. Grandfather surprised himself when he said they were just too busy feeding their friends and relatives to bother much with their grandson.  The usually problematic child ate his food with no problem while the couple hosted. Both of them had witnessed his appetite when left alone. Now, the couple could easily let their little boy eat on his own.

While we spoke, another problem became clear as well. If one said black, the other said white. These exchanges continued unless interrupted. Interchanges like these occurred during meals, I learned. Now, I made a big request of my own. Would the couple try and save the large and small contretemps until after the boy left the table? Each looked at the other. There was silence. Had I stepped over a line? The grandparents took up the request. Looking back, the busyness of the Thanksgiving meal left the boy to his own devices and, perhaps, the couple, likely, was just too occupied with hosting to bicker.

As I was getting ready to end, Grandfather volunteered that, sometimes, his grandson wanted to sit on his lap while eating from Grandfather’s dish. At that time, he also ate happily without fuss. I asked Grandfather if it would be all right with him to indulge his grandson’s affectionate request.

One month later, the bickering and fussing stopped. Grandson now fed himself—sometimes on grandpa’s lap.